Into the Closet

spoilers: none
characters: Taikoubou, Fugen
chapters: 1/1
retrieved from: Bunnyhat

A parody fic with Fugen Shinjin and Taikoubou. It’s ummm, different… might offend some devoted Fugen and BL fans, but please don’t hate me for this ^_^; I don’t hate Fugen. I only wanted to show an untypical side of him for fun. ^_~

If you get offended, then don’t blame me. I warned you. O_o;;
 
 

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It was decided. Tomorrow, Taikoubou would go back to see Genshitenson, leader of the Mount Konron sendous, to tell him he will take on the Houshin Project. He stretched out his arm and back, and gave a big, audible yawn. As he walked along the balcony of his childhood friend’s residential mountain that cool, starless night, he thought to himself.

I’m not good at discussing these sorts of matters, but with someone like him, it has to be done. But what if I make him upset? Then… Then that’s his own problem! Yeah! …Why did I come here in the first place, then? I confuse myself sometimes...

“Fugen!” He stuck his head inside the room. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Eh?” The angel-clad sennin, sitting on his bed, paused his game of Concentration and looked up. “Is something wrong, Bou-chan? Coming here so late at night…” He smiled and sweatdropped at the same time as Taikoubou hopped into his room through the window, and plopped down on the edge of the bed. He continued his card game, listening to his friend at the same time.

“Tomorrow morning, I’m going to accept the Houshin Project…”

“That’s great, Bou-chan! I know you’ll do just fine.” remarked Fugen, who successfully matched two Ace of Spades.

“…and being one of the Konron Jyuunisen and all, you know what this means.”

Still flipping over cards, Fugen’s eyes showed a touch of sadness. “I know what you’re talking about.” He stopped for a moment to look at Taikoubou’s face. “It means we’re hardly going to see each other anymore starting tomorrow. Right?”

“Exactly.” Taikoubou watched his best friend silently playing cards by himself, and sighed.

“You didn’t come here just to tell me that, did you, Bou-chan? It looks to me as if something’s bothering you.” Fugen was one of the few people who could guess what Taikoubou was thinking.

Taikoubou blinked, and scratched his head. “Uhhhh… Ha ha ha, you can always read me like book, Fugen!” He added, quietly: “It can be so creepy sometimes…”

“I heard that, Bou-chan.”

“Erk… Anyway! I came here because I wanted to make sure you’ll be all right.”

“What? Why wouldn’t I be?” asked Fugen curiously, pausing from his game again.

“Listen carefully. We’ve known each other for a long time, and we haven’t been able to hang out together as often as the old days ever since you became a Jyuunisen. We’re still close friends, right?”

“Right,” Fugen answered, unsure of where this was going.

“But now, I’m going to be away for who knows how long, and...” Taikoubou put his hand on Fugen’s shoulder and sadly shook his head. A big sweatdrop formed on the back of Fugen’s head. “I know this’ll be hard on you, but you’re just going to have to let me go.”

Fugen blinked in surprise. “Huh?”

Taikoubou looked up at his friend’s face with shimmering eyes – a serious look, similar to the one he gets whenever he goes on a quest to replenish his peach stash. “Fugen. I... I know you have feelings for me.”

“.........”

“But I can’t return those feelings! The fact is, there’s so many other things I’d do rather than be in a relationship. All the attention I would have to give, the commitment...” He shuddered at that word, and put his hand back on the bed. “My point is, Fugen. Stay strong, and don’t worry.” He added dramatically,  “I won’t forget about you while I’m away!”

After a beat or two, Fugen gave a snicker.

“What are you talking about, Bou-chan? I care for you, but not in that way.”

It was Taikoubou’s turn to be surprised. “Huh?”

“You’re quick to jump to conclusions, aren’t you, Bou-chan?” said Fugen, as he gathered the playing cards spread across his blanket. “Your stubbornness can be a problem. Whenever you decide something is right, you stick to it. You don’t like to doubt yourself.” Neatly recollecting the cards back into a deck, he gave a smug smile. “Isn’t that right, Bou-chan?”

“But...!” In disbelief, Taikoubou desperately tried to defend himself.

“What gave you the idea I’m gay, anyway?” Fugen asked simply, shuffling his cards.

“.......You... you... YOU AREN’T GAY?!!”

Taikoubou’s exclamation echoed through the Senninkai.

Fugen chuckled nervously. “Aha... ha ha... be careful, Bou-chan, or you might bust a lung...” He began picking up the cards that scattered all over the place again.

“Bu-but...” Taikoubou stammered. “I always thought you were!”

“I’m not, Bou-chan. I’m straight,” said Fugen, as-a-matter-of-fact-ly. He paused for a second to give Taikoubou a sly look. “Very straight.”

Taikoubou stopped fretting, and looked at Fugen with interest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Eheh. It means I really like girls,” replied Fugen, smiling with embarrassment.

“Really like girls...?”

He put the cards back into a proper stack. “Really.”

“Are you serious?

Fugen nodded. “Remember when we sneaked out of the Senninkai once? While you were fishing, and I was gone for about half an hour, what do you think I was doing?”

“Erm...” Taikoubou scratched his head. “Climbing trees? Watching birds? Gathering flowers and pretending to be Queen of the Fairies?”

Fugen face faulted, spilling the cards yet again.

“I’m guessing that’s a ‘no’.”

“Y...You really did make some grand assumptions about me, didn’t you?” he said, still smiling and sweatdropping as he climbed back onto his bed.

“What did you do, then?”

“Visiting a nearby village, admiring all the pretty girls,” he replied. “Their cute smiles, their smooth voice, their shapely bodies...”

Taikoubou felt slightly disturbed as his friend drifted away into his own thoughts.

“Fugen? Fugen.”

He sat there, happily grinning away at the memories.

“Fugen!!”

“Hmm? What? Oh, I’m sorry, Bou-chan. You were saying?”

“Never mind...” Taikoubou muttered. “I had no idea you were so shameless.”

Fugen remained sounding innocent and angelic. He always sounded carefree, and it got on Taikoubou’s nerves at times, but it was his charm. “This isn’t shameless, Bou-chan. The female form is a beautiful thing. If we don’t fully appreci— Bou-chan? What are you doing?”

Taikoubou had his head and arms stuck under Fugen’s bed, accompanied by shuffling noises. “I’m looking for something.”

“Ah, Bou-chan...” Fugen tried not to sound alarmed. “That isn’t a good idea—“

“I knew it! You are shameless!!” He pulled himself out from under the bed with a stack of suspicious-looking magazines. “Look at the amount of flesh on the covers! Is this how you ‘appreciate the female form’, hmm?” He tossed them onto the bed in front of Fugen. Fugen looked down at them, then looked at Taikoubou.

“It’s not nice to touch other people’s things, Bou-chan.”

Sweatdropping, Taikoubou cautiously picked one up and flipped through it. “I can’t believe it! How can you be so sick, Fugen?”

Fugen answered with a straight face:

“But Bou-chan, they’re hot.”

Taikoubou slapped his forehead with his hand and gave a disappointed sigh. He had always seen Fugen as an innocent soul – an innocent, gay soul. He found it rather cute. Now, he had come face to face with the fact that Fugen was, in fact, a closet pervert who secretly ogles drawings of half-naked girls in magazines.

What next? Does he also secretly terrify little children at night, running after them with scissors?

He refrained from shuddering at the image.

“What are you doing now, Bou-chan?”

“I’m going to make these into a nice bonfire,” replied Taikoubou, picking up the stack of magazines. “No best friend of mine is going to be reading porn!”

“Bou-chan, please!” Fugen protested, and grabbed onto Taikoubou’s arm. “I went through so much trouble trying to sneak them in up here!”

“Daa! Let me go, Fugen!” Taikoubou shook him off. “You stay here nice and quiet, playing with your cards, repenting your sins or something.”

Defeated, Fugen kept his mouth close and watched as Taikoubou left the room. After a moment of silence, he heard the distant flick of a match, a whoosh of fire, and maniacal “Kakaka”-ing. He sighed, and began gathering his playing cards for the third time. Sometimes, he didn’t understand Taikoubou. Is it so wrong to feel greatly attracted to the opposite sex?

Maybe he’s gay? Thought Fugen.

He smiled. How cute.

On Fugen’s bedside table, a pair of scissors gleamed in the moonlight.