Jerry Springer Confrontation

spoilers: manga vol. 21
characters: Youzen, Outenkun, Taikoubou... Jerry Springer....
chapters: 1/1
retrieved from: Bunnyhat

Houshin Engi meets Jerry Springer. @_@ How can I describe this? It’s stupid. But I posted it here, because maybe SOMEONE out there might like it. Spoiler alert!! If you don’t like spoilers and you haven’t read the manga up to vol 21, don’t read it. Otherwise, enjoy my insanity. O_o;; If you liked it, then please leave a review. ^_^

Discretion: This pokes fun at rabid Youzen fans, so if you’re one of them, you might get offended.

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The theme song to the Jerry Springer Show plays.

[CAPTION]: "You’ve ruined my life!"

[Audience]: *chanting* Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! etc.

[Jerry Springer]: All right everybody, thank you, thank you. Welcome to the show. Today, we have a very special show. Now, let me just remind all of you— all of you in the audience in the studio here, and the TV viewers, that you must ignore the fact that we’re going to experience a major timeline difference today. With that said, take a look at this clip here.

A video clip is shown. Youzen is shown walking along a beach. There is quiet, angsty piano music playing.

[Youzen (V.O.)]: Ever since the Senninkai War, my life has never been the same again.

A close-up on Youzen’s face. We can hear the waves of the ocean in the background as he sadly looks up in the sky, his hair blowing in the wind.

[Y (V.O.)]: My master, my father, my dignity – they were all taken away from me by that blue-skinned, pointy-eared demon.

The clip changes to one that shows Youzen playing fetch on the beach with his dog.

[Y (V.O.)]: Events from the war still haunt me in my dreams. Sometimes, I can’t go to sleep at all. Instead, I would stay up all night, staring at the stars. I would close my eyes and hope that it was all a bad dream, and that if I open my eyes again, I would be in the arms of my master or my father.

Youzen is smiling as he watches his dog retrieve a stick he threw.

[Y (V.O.)]: I pretend that I’m over it, and that it doesn’t bother me anymore. But deep down inside, there’s still an empty space that can never be filled again.

The clip changes to one that shows Youzen sitting on the sand, petting his dog. He looks contemplative.

[Y (V.O.)]: All I want is to be truly happy again, but I know that can’t ever be achieved.

The clip ends.

[Audience]: Awww…

[J]: You just saw a clip of one of my guests. Please meet Youzen, a doushi of Kingou.

The audience claps as Youzen comes onto the stage and sits down in one of the chairs, crossing his legs.

[Female Audience Members]: KYAAA!! We love you, Youzen!!

[J]: What in the… I thought I told my producers not to let the fangirls inside!

Jerry glares at one of the producers.

[Producer]: *shrugs*

[J]: For the love of… *shakes his head and returns his attention to the show * Hello, Youzen, thank you for coming here.

[CAPTION ]: "Youzen – age unknown. A genius doushi of Konron. Says his life was ruined by Outenkun, a Jyuttenkun from Kingou."

[Y]: And I thank you for letting me come here, Jerry.

[J]: Now, we saw in that clip – You said that the blue-skinned pointy-eared demon, Outenkun we’re presuming, killed your master and your father. Is this correct?

[Y]: Yes, it is.

[J]: Why did he do that?

[Y]: All because Kingou gave me to Konron in exchange for him. My father gave me away to Konron so that no one would take advantage of my powers.

[J]: And he didn’t appreciate being traded?

[Y]: Clearly, he hated it.

[J]: And he cruelly murdered your master and your father because he wanted to get revenge, I’m guessing?

[Y]: That is correct.

[Fangirl #1]: Let me hug him!!!

[J]: *sweatdrops* Please, be quiet! Now Youzen, can you tell us how he killed them, if you don’t mind?

[Y]: Well… I sneaked into Kingou to stop a cannon that was about to fire at Konron. But I exhausted my powers, and he ended up holding me hostage. He put a tick paopei on me, and it continuously drained my energy even further. My master, Gyokutei Shinjin, came to save me, but then… *starts getting emotional* Outenkun… he, he… activated his paopei, and rained acid on us, and… *tears up*

[J]: Are you okay? If you can’t go on, you can stop.

[Y]: No, I’m fine… *sniffles* My master… he shielded me from the rain, and carried me to safety, but he died and his soul flew to the Houshin Dai … *sobs into his hands* I didn’t even get to say goodbye!!

[Audience]: *whispering to each other* That’s so sad, how terrible, etc.

[J]: *sympathetically* I’m very sorry to hear that, Youzen. *calls out to his side* Box!

A box of kleenex is tossed onto the stage.

[Y]: *catches it* Tha… thank you. *dabs his eyes with tissues*

[J]: What about your father?

[Y]: Outenkun… he had control over him, and he was making him attack me. He died when the Planets inside Kingou collapsed. Like my master, he, too, sacrificed his life in order to save mine. And… *big, watery eyes* Oh gosh, the pain… it’s coming back…!!! *sobs like a little girl into a wad of tissues*

[Fangirls]: *also sobbing* We still love you, Youzen!!

[J]: *huge sweatdrop at fangirl reaction* Now, Youzen, we have a surprise for you today. We actually _convinced_ Outenkun to come on this show, in this studio, on that very stage! And lost four of our crew members in the process.

[CAPTION (stays up for three seconds)]: Jim, Bob, Sherry and Robert – R.I.P. We miss you.

[Y]: *looks up*…You did _what_?

[J]: *to the camera* When we return from our commercial break, we’re going to bring out Outenkun, the cause of Youzen’s misery!

Commercial break music starts to play.

[Audience]: *cheers and claps* Whooooo!! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! etc.

Youzen’s eyes turn into a cold stare as the first segment ends. Jerry nervously watches him, worried.

~COMMERCIAL BREAK~

[Audience]: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! etc.

[J]: Welcome back to the show. If you’re just joining us, we have some very exclusive guests today: fictional characters from a Japanese comic book. How did we manage this? Only the author knows.

[Author]: I like pineapples.

[J]: Uh, that’s nice to know. Now, Youzen here is a Konron doushi whose beloved master and father were cruelly murdered by a certain Outenkun, whom we’re going to bring out in a few seconds. Are you ready, Youzen?

[Y]: *calm* Yes.

[J]: Okay. Everyone, I’d like you to meet our second guest, Outenkun.

Outenkun comes out onto the stage to evil sounding rock music.

[Audience]: Booooooo!!

[Fangirls]: HISSSSSS!! Murderer! Scum! Bastard! etc.

[Lone Outenkun fan]: *giddy* Yay!

Outenkun grins and sits down in a chair that is a foot away from Youzen’s. Youzen, picking up his chair, silently moves further away and glares at Outenkun.

[Audience]: Ooooooh.

[J]: Outenkun, thank you for agreeing to appear on this show.

[CAPTION]: "Outenken – A blue bastard."

[Outenkun]: Keh. Whatever.

[J]: Now, we’ve heard from Youzen the horrible things you’ve done to him. What have you got to say for yourself?

[O]: Listen. I suffered more than he did, alright? And I didn’t kill his daddy, he did.

[Audience]: What?! Oh, come on! Yeah right! etc.

[J]: Calm down, everyone, let him speak. Do you believe what you just said, Outenkun? That _you_ suffered more than Youzen, and that _he_ was the one who killed him?

[O]: It’s true, you know.

[Y]: Oh, please…

[CAPTION]: "Outenkun – A blue, lying bastard. PS: Youzen rules!"

[J]: *reads the captions; turns to one of the guards* Security, I think a fangirl broke into the control room.

[Guard]: Gotcha. *runs off*

[J]: Would you like to explain, Outenkun?

[O]: While Ouji-sama here was obviously brought up in a happy environment, _I_ was locked up in a *bleep*ing cell. I used to look "normal" like all of you. Look at what they made me into.

[Fangirl #2]: *sarcastically* Oh, boo-hoo.

[J]: *to the fangirl* Hey, settle down! *to Outenkun* Go on.

[O]: And it was his fault Tsuuten Kyoushu died. *points to Youzen* If he hadn’t caused his daddy to break, he wouldn’t have gone berserk and made the Planets collapse!

[Y]: It wasn’t my fault! I didn’t kill him!

[O]: Yes you did, yes you did! You killed him! You killed your own father!

[Y]: He was just trying to protect his honor.

[O]: HAH! What honor? You killed him, you *bleep*ing killed him, and that’s that.

[Y]: *looks away* Hmph.

[O]: And you’re not as pretty as you think.

[Y]: *bolts up* I dare you to say that again!!

Youzen and Outenkun have a brief spar as the audience cheers and hoots. The guards manage to break the fight.

[Y]: *sits down, panting* He didn’t just kill the two people I love. He humiliated me, tortured me psychologically, and revealed my true identity to everyone when I wasn’t even ready yet!!

[O]: *slumps back down in the chair* Ahh, shut your mouth, ya big pussy. You had to tell them one of these days.

[Y]: Did not! *sobs*

[Audience]: Boooooo!!

[Lone Outenkun fan]: *sniffle* I’m so lonely.

[J]: Does anyone here want to make a comment?

A young woman in the audience stands up from her seat. Jerry points the microphone to her.

[Young woman]: ya i want 2 say something to the blue guy!!! i think your very stupid, your so stupid you must hav been dropped on your head as a kid or something u looser. y r u so stupid, you hav holes all over you’re earz, mayB u hav holes in your brain 2, lol. So ya, GO 2 HELL!!!

[O]: …What the *bleep* was that?

[J]: I believe that was something called "Internet speak." I’m sorry, miss, you can’t use that kind of language on my show. It’s very difficult to understand.

[Young woman]: k… :-( *sits down*

[J]: We’re going to go into another commercial break. When we come back, we have yet another surprise guest on our show. Stay tuned!

[Audience]: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! etc.

As the camera fades out, Outenkun gives it the finger.

~COMMERCIAL BREAK~

[Audience]: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! etc.

[J]: Folks, if you’re just tuning in, we have two bitter enemies confronting each other. If you don’t think that’s interesting enough—

[Shinkouhyou (sitting in the audience)]: *to himself* Oh, I assure you, it’s _very_ interesting.

[J]: —things are going to get even better. Let’s bring out a guest Outenkun wanted here. This is Taikoubou, Youzen’s friend and Outenkun’s rival!

Taikoubou comes out onto the stage. Everybody except Jerry is stunned. The audience cheers.

[Audience]: Yeah!! Whoooo!! etc.

[O]: *grins*

[Y]: Ta… Taikoubou suusu!

Taikoubou quietly sits down in a chair next to Youzen’s.

[Fangirls]: Kyaaaaa!! Youzen and Taikoubou make, like, the best couple!!

[T and Y]: *sweatdropping* We’re not gay.

[J]: Taikoubou, you told one of our crewmembers that you wanted to confront Outenkun as well. Why?

[CAPTION]: "Taikoubou – approx. 80. A doushi of Konron and director of the Houshin Project. "

[T]: I just wanted to tell him he’s a plague to the Houshin Project.

[Audience]: Oooooh.

[O]: Heh.

[T]: From what I’ve heard, you had a tough life, and I can understand that. But why’d you have to do all those unforgivable things you did? I mean… argh! I can’t even look at you.

[O]: Well, well… is that so? You might think twice about that comment when I tell you the reason why I brought you here.

[T]: Oh?

[O]: That’s right, Taikoubou. Because, you see… you and I are the same person.

[T]: *stunned* Wh-WHAT?!

The new caption replaces the current one.

[CAPTION]: "You and I are the same person!"

The audience and Youzen are stunned as well.

[Y]: Suusu… is also Outenkun?

[Audience]: *whispering to each other* What? How can this be? etc.

[Fangirls]: ……

[Shinkouhyou]: I knew it.

[Lone Outenkun fan]: Oooh…cool!

[Young Woman]: wtf?

[O]: Heheh, you want to know why? [insert super long explanation here] _That’s_ why!

[T]: I… I can’t believe it. That means… I killed Gyokutei, Tsuuten Kyoushu, the Buseiou and Tenka?

[Fangirls]: W-well, Taikoubou and Youzen can still love each other! …Right?

[Y]: …*picks up his chair and moves a foot away from Taikoubou*

[Fangirls]: Darn.

[J]: *sweatdrops* They weren’t even in love in the first place… Anyway, Outenkun, why did you decide to tell that to Taikoubou here, on national TV, with millions of viewers watching? Why couldn’t you have done this in private?

[O]: *sly grin* So that I can do this.

Outenkun gets up, walks over to Taikoubou, goes down on one knee and offers his hand.

[O]: Taikoubou… will you merge with me?

[Audience]: GASP!!

[Y]: Suusu…

[T]: *blinks for a moment, then glares back at Outenkun* No!

[O]: *bribing* You’ll become more powerful than ever and get a cool outfit.

[T]: Really? Then, what are we waiting for? Let’s merge!

[Y]: You son of a *bleep*!!

Youzen gets up and attacks Taikoubou. After another brief spar, the guards somehow manage to separate them. Youzen storms off, sobbing like a little girl. Taikoubou and Outenkun remains on the stage, holding hands.

[Fangirls]: This is, like, so tragic!

[Lone Outenkun fan]: *giddy* Yay!

Jerry looks into the camera.

[J]: And now, for my final thought. Hate can be a strong word, and an even stronger emotion. But from what we witnessed here on our show today, I’ve learned a valuable lesson: even if you hate somebody, you have to keep in mind that it is still a part of us in some way or another. We must also consider the feelings of those we hate. Spend some time trying to think what it would be like being in their shoes, and see what kind of emotions come up. Who knows; someday, you may end up becoming the one that you hate, in a metaphorical sense. Till next time, take care of yourself and each other. Good night.

The credits begin to roll.

[Audience]: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

[Lone Outenkun fan]: This is the best day of my life. *sniffle*