The Pizza Show Experiment!

spoilers: none
characters: Full anime cast, new characters, Yu-Gi-Oh cast appearance
chapters: 7/7
retrieved from: Bunnyhat

Chapter Two

The Pizza Show Experiment!

Experiment #1

Monday morning

(A teenaged boy is running through the halls like a madman, banging on a baking sheet with a frying pan)

Teenaged boy: BREAKFAST!!! EVERYBODY UP!! BREEEEEAAAAKFAAAAST!

(the cast starts exiting the dormitories, yawning, stretching, muttering ‘good morning’s, etc. Sage, Yami Sage and Rowan follow and meet up where the path forked)

Sage: *half asleep, rubbing eyes* Who the heck would be prancing around making such a racket at this time of…wait…..wait a minute…...*sniffs* bacon! *sniffs* I smell bacon! *sniffs, the pauses* but I didn’t make any breakfast, did you?

Rowan: No….

Yami Sage: Come on, Aibou, you know I can’t cook!

Sage: Then who…..

Teenaged boy: *suddenly jumps in front of the hostesses* Hi!

Hostesses: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(The boy is a little taller than Sage and has dark brown hair)

Sage: Damien! Don’t sneak up on people so early in the morning! *pause* Did you just make breakfast?

Damien: Yup! I made everything for everybody! Set up a big buffet table in the kitchen! Come on!

(The hostesses follow Damien down the hall to a huge dining room with a humongous, beautiful buffet table at the end of the room. The cast has gotten their food and are eating at this long table (think great hall at Hogwarts))

Sage: BACOOOOOOOON!!!!!! *dashes toward buffet table*

Yami Sage: *chases after Sage* Hey! Aibou! Save some for me!

Rowan: *Hugs Damien* Arigatou, D-kun!

Damien: ^_^

Rowan: *grabs some food and sits down between Nataku and Sage*

Sage: *is eating tons of bacon*

Yami Sage: *ditto*

Sage: *glances at Nataku who doesn’t have anything in front of him* Aren’t you going to eat something, Nataku-chan?

Nataku: I’m not hungry.

Yami Sage: Not even a little bit of bacon?

Sage: *slaps Yami Sage* Don’t be rude! Nataku’s Taoist! He can’t eat meat!

Nataku: I’m not hungry. *gets up and stands over by the window, which is letting in beautiful healthy rays of sunlight.*

Sage: Suit yourself. I just thought you’d want to build up your strength today before we work with you.

Nataku: Oh?

Sage: Yup! We’re using you for today’s experiment.

Taikoubou: *interested* *Through a mouthful of peach* What are you gonna do to him?

Rowan: *grins*

Yami Sage: *snickers*

Sage: ^_^

Taikoubou: Well?

Sage: ^_^ *pulls out a pocket program and skims through it* *finds the page she wants and reads it* "Monday: Experiment #1: Can Nataku Smile?"

Raishinshi: *chokes on piece of toast* I’m sorry, my hearing must be going. Did you just say that your experiment is about trying to make Nataku smile?

Hostesses: *nod and grin*

Raishinshi: *pause* *bursts into laughter, banging on the table and eventually falling out of his seat*

Taikoubou: *has finally succeeded in not getting peach juice up his nose* Won’t have much luck with that experiment! That guy’s a total zombie! I mean he doesn’t even blink unless you ask him!

Nataku: *glare*

Taikoubou: *cowers* Aah! I was kidding! Joudan desu! Joudan! (A/N: Is that how you spell it? The Japanese word for joke?)

Sage: That’s exactly why we’re experimenting. Surely there must be something that will make him crack a smile.

Raishinshi: *had stopped laughing and gotten back into his seat earlier* *cough!* his mother! *cough!*

Nataku: I heard that.

Hostesses: *finish eating and stand up* Come on, Nataku, time to get to work!

Nataku: *follows Hostesses*

Sage: *to everyone else* You can come watch, if you want.

Raishinshi: *scrambles away from the table* Outta the way! This I gotta see!

(The Hostesses take Nataku into a small room with white padded walls and a wide, unbreakable glass window that leads to the room outside. Outside, everyone else pushes and shoves to see into the room.)

Sage: Now I don’t want you to worry, Nataku-chan. We won’t hurt you…….much.

Nataku: Let’s just get this over with.

Sage: Alrighty! ^_^ Now let’s think………….what makes people smile?

Hostesses: Hmmmmmmmmm…………….

(Jeopardy theme starts playing in the background.

Doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo………..

Doo doo doo doo DOO! Doodoodoodoodoo

Doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo….

DOO! Doo doo doo doo doo doo…)

Yami Sage: ENOUGH OF THAT AWFUL RACKET!!!!!!

Music crew: O_O Sorry! *music stops*

Sage: Hey, I know! *whips out a camera* These things always make me smile! *points at Nataku* Hey Nataku! Say ‘cheese!’ *flash*

Nataku: *blinks* @_@ *is stunned by the flash*

Rowan: Well, he changed expression, so it’s something………

Sage: But no smile. We need a smile….

Hostesses: Hmmmmmmmmm……..

Sage: Well, what always makes *us* smile?

Rowan: …………………..Kawaiiness?

Sage: *lightbulb* *runs over to the door and opens it* Excuse me, Prince Yin Hong, could you come here for a minute?

Hong: *enters the room*

Rowan: Sage, you’re a genius!

Sage: I know ^_^ Now just stand over there, Your Highness. That’s right. Right there. May I call you Hong?

Hong: Ok!

Sage: All right then, Hong, here’s what I want you to do. I want you to look at Nataku, ok? Then I want you to smile at him. You got that?

Hong: Got it.

Sage: Ok. Smile…..now!

Hong: *looks at Nataku* : )

Sage: Kawaii!

Nataku: *stares blankly*

Sage: Not cute enough. Ok, Hong, I need you to give the biggest, cheeriest, cutest smile you can.

Hong: *with a slight giggle* ^_^

Sage and Rowan: Kawaii!!!!!! ^_^

Nataku: *Blank as ever*

Sage: Still not enough. Hong, I know you can make a cuter smile then that!

Hong: Sorry, I can’t.

Sage: Then we’ll need some ensentive. Yami! Bring Becky!

Yami Sage: Roger! *brings Becky(A/N: Becky really exsists. She’s a stuffed bear that my Great Aunt Becky gave my mom when Grandpa was in the hospital. She is absolutly adorable! And really flat from being hugged so much ^_^) and hands her to Hong*

Hong: ^_____________________^ *hugs Becky*

Sage and Rowan: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! ^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^

Nataku: *Not even a blink*

Rowan: Let’s face it. Kawaiiness isn’t gonna work.

Sage: -_-‘’ Guess we’ll try something else. You can leave now Hong.

Hong: Can I keep Becky?

Sage: You can hold her for a little longer. I want her back at the end of the day.

Hong: OK! ^_^ *exits*

Sage: So we need something else.

Hostesses: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……..

Music crew: *Jeopardy theme* Doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo……………

Yami Sage: *shoots sterios with a pop gun*

Sage: *holds a photograph up at Nataku* Nataku, look! Look! *shakes photo at him* It’s Yinshi! Your mother!

Nataku: *snatches photo away, expressionless*

Sage: *sweatdrops* Guess that didn’t work.

Hostesses: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………..

Rowan: How many times have we done that now?

Yami Sage and Sage: *shrug* Don’t know don’t care.

Hostesses: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………….

Sage: *Snaps fingers* I’ve got it! Laughter! Laughter always makes one smile!

Rowan: So we have to make Nataku laugh!

Sage and Rowan: YAY!

Sage: I think I’ve got just the thing!

(Sage snaps and suddenly the room is full of tables and has a stage(Ie: Kareoke bar or dinner theatre) Nataku is sat at one of the tables and Sage is standing on the stage.)

Sage: So this mushroom walks into a bar, and goes and sits down. He’s about to order a drink, when he sees this pretty girl sitting across the room. So he goes over to her and says "Hey, I’d like to buy you a drink." She says "Get a life pal, you’re not getting any." So he says, "Aw come on! I’m a fun guy!" *rimshot*

(outside, Kou Tenka is fighting the urge(and failing) to laugh out loud)

Nataku:……………………..Mushrooms don’t walk or talk. I should know.

Sage: And what about you? You’re a lotus,aren’t you? You walk and talk!

Nataku: I fly.

Sage: Yeah, well lotuses don’t fly either!

Nataku: *missed the point* I fly.

Yami Sage: Oh forget it! Move over! *shoves Sage aside* I’ve got one that’ll bring down the house!

Rowan: Here we go…..

Yami Sage: So there’s this blonde, right? Well, she’s working on this puzzle, and she can’t seem to figure it out. So she calls her boyfriend and asks her to help him. "Well, what is it a puzzle of?" he asks. "I dunno." She answers, "I think it’s a tiger or something." "All right, I’ll be there in a little while." So he drives over to her house and rings the bell. She answers and lets him in. She takes him to the living room, where all the puzzle pieces are scattered around. He looks at them, and looks at her and says "Ok, I’ll help you. Would you like something to drink first?" She says "Ok." He says "Ok, I’ll get some drinks. Meanwhile, you can pick up all those corn flakes." *rimshot*

Nataku: *Looks confused*

Sage: I don’t think he gets blonde jokes, Yami.

Rowan: All right then, I’ll bring in the heavy artillary! This one’s a real groaner.

Sage: Yay! I love this joke!

Rowan: So this man is driving down the road. Just driving. Suddenly, a rabbit jumps into his path and he runs over it by accident. Now the man is very sensitive. So he pulls over and starts mourning over the dead rabbit. Meanwhile a woman is driving by and she sees the man sitting on the side of the road. Concerned, she pulls over and goes over to the guy. "Hey, what happened? What’s wrong?" The guy is sobbing a river "Oh, it’s terrible! I killed the poor rabbit!" The woman looks at the dead rabbit, then runs back to her car and pulls out a spray can. She runs back to the rabbit and sprays the contents of the can on it. Suddenly, the rabbit jumps up, good as new. It looks at the two people and waves, then turns around and starts to hop away, stopping every ten hops or so to turn around and wave. The guy says "How did you do that?" So she shows him the can. It says "Hair Spray: Restores life to dead hair. Adds extra wave." *rimshot*

Sage: *laughing hysterically*

Nataku: *blinks* How is that funny?

Rowan: *facefaults* Man, this guys tough!

Sage: Let’s try something else. *Stands on stage with a book* I will now recite chapter 9 of "The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams. *ahem!* *Opens book and starts to read* (A/N: This chapter’s long enough as is, so I’m going to type up only the importand parts(IE:the parts of the chapter that make me laugh))

"A computer chattered to itself in alarm as it noticed an airlock open and close itself for no apparent reason.

This was because the Reason was out to lunch.

A hole had just appeared in the Galaxy. It was exactly a……

………………………………………………………………………………………

‘Good God,’ said Arthur, ‘it looks just like the sea front at Southend.’

‘Hell, I’m relieved to hear you say that,’ said Ford.

‘Why?’

‘Because I thought you must be going mad.’

‘Perhaps you are. Perhaps you only thought I said it.’

Ford thought about this.

‘Well, did you say it or didn’t you?’ he asked.

‘I think so,’ said Arthur.

‘Well, perhaps we’re both going mad.’

……………………………………………………………………………………….

‘Ford,’ he said, ‘you’re turning into a penguin. Stop it.’

Again came the voice.

‘Two to the power of seventy-five thousand to one against and falling.’

Ford waddled around his pond in a furious circle.

‘Hey, who are you?’ he quacked, ‘Where are you? What’s going on and is there any way of stopping it?’

‘Please relax,’ said the voice pleasantly, like a stewardess in an airliner with only one wing and two engines one of which is on fire, ‘you are perfectly safe.’

‘But that’s not the point!’ raged Ford. ‘The point is that I am now a perfectly safe penguin, and my colleague here is rapidly running out of limbs!’

‘It’s alright, I’ve got them back now,’ said Arthur.

………………………………………………………………………………….

‘Ford!’ he said, ‘there’s an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they’ve worked out.’" The end. *Closes book* Well?

Nataku: *had nodded off during the reading*

Sage: Hey! You weren’t paying any attention, were you?

Nataku: *Wakes up* Huh?

Sage: All right, we need to try something else.

Hostesses: Hmmmmmmmmm………..

Rowan: Slapstick?

Sage: Great idea! *smacks Yami Sage upside the head*

Yami Sage: Ow! What’d you do that for???

Sage: *glances at Nataku* Well, that didn’t work! Hmm……*goes over to door and opens it* Hey Raishinshi! Get in here!

Raishinshi: *enters*

Sage: *Snaps and Raishinshi turns into a chibi*

Raishinshi: Hey! What’d I do?

Nataku: *smirks slightly for a half second, then goes back to his blank stare*

Rowan: *snaps and Raishinshi is back to normal* Man, this guy’s tough!

Sage: I know! Ranma! Ranma makes anyone laugh! *snaps and the Kareoke bar vanishes. A couch and television take its place*

Rowan: *sits Nataku down on the couch*

Sage: *Pops in a Ranma ½ DVD*

(So they watch Ranma ½ for hours. Rowan and Sage are laughing themselves silly, Yami Sage chortles occasionally, Nataku doesn’t respond at all.)

Sage: *removes Ranma DVD* Sheesh, if that didn’t work, what will?

Rowan: Child’s Toy?

Sage: Yeah! *pops in a Child’s Toy tape*

(And so they watch Child’s Toy. At first Nataku has no response, but then in episode four he starts to get upset, finding that Hayama has no mother, so they have to stop.)

Sage: It’s hopeless! He just won’t smile!

Rowan: Come on you, smile for us so we can get this over with! *starts trying to push Nataku’s cheeks up so it looks like he’s smiling*

Sage: Wait…………there’s just one thing we haven’t tried! *whispers in Rowan’s ear*

Rowan: You think it’ll work?

Sage: If it doesn’t, we’re sunk, but it’s worth a try.

Rowan: Let’s do it!

Sage: One…………….

Rowan: Two…………………

Sage and Rowan: THREE! *snap and suddenly Nataku is chained to the wall, arms above him, feet apart*

Nataku: Hey, what are you--? Oh no……no………not that………….

Sage and Rowan: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *start tickling Nataku in every place a person can be ticklish*

Nataku: Stop! Stop it! Get off! *starts struggling helplessly against his chains, laughing hysterically*

Sage: Yes! It’s working! He’s ticklish! He’s laughing! He can smile!

Hostesses: YEEEHAAAA!

(Nataku is released from his bonds and is now on the floor helpless as the hostesses gang up on him in a tickle attack. They keep this up until they decide they should go to bed. Yes, Hong gave Becky back to Sage.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Post-Experiment Thoughts ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sage: ~ Hee hee! Nataku’s ticklish! The ticklish ones are the cutest. ~

Rowan: ~ Next time, I’m bringing a camera. Nataku’s cute when he smiles ^_^~

Yami Sage: ~ That took way too long. Honestly, couldn’t we have tried tickling first? ~

Shinkouhyou: ~ Well, this has been quite an interesting day. ~

Taikoubou: ~ Ugh, I think I did get peach juice up my nose at breakfast. ~

Youzen: *oblivious to the pillow that’s been put over his face to drown out snoring* ~ How many times did they say "Hmm…………….." during that experiment? ~

Raishinshi: ~ Unbelievable! Turned into a Chibi on the first day when I didn’t even do anything wrong! ~

Hong: ~ I hope I get to play with Becky again soon! ~

Nataku: ~ Ow…..my sides hurt……I think I cracked a rib……~

Dakki: ~ That Damien fellow is quite attractive. He could be useful in my plan to conquer the world! ~

Tenka: ~ Hehehehe…..’fun guy’. That’s pretty funny! ~